Kids, a strange thing happened to me this week......
After a few weeks of reduced running (I'm supposed to call it being injured, but don't like the term) I went for along run. Now there is nothing strange about that, granted, but what happened to me on the run was new.
After all of the training I have done this year, I kind of figured that nothing was beyond me. I've run marathons, ultramarathons, adventure races and well over 1000 miles in training. I've struggled and faced some demons along the way, but never wanted to stop.
So this week, on a long run, I set out to do 26.2 miles. I wasn't totally ready or prepared for it, it was going to be a night run and the decision to go came last minute, but any way you dress it up, I had it in me to do the run, so I did.
It was a ususal route on familiar roads and the first 11 miles passed without note. At the halfway point though, (13.1 miles in) I started to feel uncomfortable in my stride. My shoes felt wrong, the pace seemed to fast and yet slower than my target or usual pace. I pushed through this barrier and headed back out into the countryside. Still it was not right
17 miles in I stood at the foot of a large incline, halted in my tracks. My headtorch seemed to be dimming, the food I'd brought seemed insufficient and the water in my CamelBak just wasn't helping. I froze at the foot of the hill.
Staring up at the dark, knowing that I had miles to run and having to face the scariest realisation you can have when you are alone in the middle of nowhere and 9 miles from home....
"I do not want to be here".......
I tried running some more. I bested the hill and looked down at the road to take me home, but although my legs were still working and I had enough water to keep going, the fire had gone. After a few words with myself and a few aborted attempts at carrying on I gave up.
I got a lift home and spent the night worrying about how I'd react. I've identified myself as a runner for so long now that when I was faced with failure, it felt like a personal affront. If I can't run then what am I?
But on waking the next morning I felt surprisingly calm. I realised that I had met the beast that is failure and survived it. Not only that, but if I wanted to running has taught me that I can go away and train in new ways; train harder, smarter, better and come back stronger.
When met with this failure (and yes, 17 miles is a massive distance to run, but it wasn't the goal, so it is still a failure) I found myself taking a pragmatic and honest look at myself and understanding why I had failed.
I've not been training as much as I used to and certainly not as smart, training has lacked structure or development and as such has been more maintenance than progressive. Secondly, I've used long distance running as a counterbalance for over indulgence in food and drink for a while, so a few weeks off paid its toll quickly and I'm not in the shape I thought I was.
All of this, along with poor preparation and a fundamental lack of respect for the feat that is running 26 miles summed up to a perfect storm and left me stood by the side of the road, middle of nowhere, staring at the small pool of light cast by my headtorch.
I look back at the advice that I have given to you guys in this blog and realise that I have forgotten most of it myself. I stopped having fun and enjoying running. I started using it as nothing more than a lifestyle counterbalance to control poor diet choices and high stress levels.
I wasn't planning good runs on new routes or seeking adventure by discovering new trails any more. I'd become one of those runners who takes the whole thing far too seriously and paradoxically, for granted.
I'd found myself somewhere I'd never wanted to be.....alone on the road, running because I felt I had to.
But like I said, and may have mentioned before, running gives you stamina and a strength that can improve many areas of your life.
That moment when you fail does not have to be the end. It can be the nexus of your evolution. The spark that lights the fire in your heart to strive for more and to be better, faster, stronger.
Kids I wrote this blog because I wanted to show you How I Became A Runner and how it had a positive impact on so many areas of my life. I wanted to show you that I was successful at something and I wanted to make you proud. Of all the lessons I've tried to teach you and the things I have tried to pass on, the question always hung over my head. How would I know when it was time to stop writing it and when would I know how to tell you How I Became A Runner.
The answer was simple, I was a runner the whole time, but I got a lot better at it when I realised that failure is just a natural part of development and moving forward. I think I've always assumed that something would come along one day and stop me running. That I wasn't really a runner, just somebody who ran for a bit....
Truth is I was always a runner, I just wasn't always running.
To continue running and to become better at it I have a lot of work to do. I have to make fundamental changes to my lifestyle and start setting some real goals and challenges. I have to find the hunger for it, the fun in it and the sense of adventure I lost.
My last piece of knowledge to pass on to you? You can learn a lot more from a failure tahn when you succeed...
Kids, I hope you've enjoyed reading these. I've loved writing them. I don't claim to be good at it but when you have something to say, you're best to say it or no one ever knows what you thought.
