Invictus

As I read back through the last few posts kids, it occurs to me that I have moved even further away from the story I was supposed to be telling you. The story of how I became a runner is all in the past, but it impacts on me every day now.

I believe that running has made me into a better person in every aspect of my life. It has helped me realise there are genuinely good people out there who help and support me just because they can. It's made me realise I am capable of so much more than I ever thought and given me confidence I never thought i would have. 

It's shown me how shallow reward can be without effort.

I'm not really sure when I stopped being someone who runs and became a runner, or if there was a particular moment when it changed. 

All I can say is that I remember a time before I was a runner; and I think I'm a better person after that time passed.

I'll give you an example....

I've been working for the same organisation for 13 years. My sole focus for all that time has been getting promoted, never getting better or working harder. I've judged myself only on my payscale and others' impression of me. I never knew I was doing it, and I'm sure as hell not the only one, but I got drawn into letting others impressions and expectations of me mould my choices at work.

All this was taken away when promotion no longer became a possibility due to economic crises   on an international level. The pathway that had been laid before me was suddenly removed, my route no longer clear.

Suddenly I was adrift; without focus or aim, direction or purpose.

I buried myself further in running and started to learn an important lesson in life. Only you can make yourself into the person you want to be. You are able to shape your own destiny as much as you can train for an event. No matter how big the challenge, it takes effort and dedication. 

It won't be easy and you may not get there first time.

But it will get easier and you will get there.

When I look back at my running career, I have to ask myself why it has been  more successful than my work one. Well, I'm passionate about it, I'm honest with my limitations and train hard to  overcome them; identify my strengths and exploit them. I don't worry about others impressions of me because I do it for me and not to impress them.

So I started applying this to my career instead and realised that I need to find something that I'm passionate about. I need to work to improve areas where I'm weak and exploit my strengths.

So I'm making some changes and I'll go into them later kids, but I guess what I'm saying is that we are each able and responsible for forming our own destinies. Don't let others expectations or impressions of you limit what you do.

Surround yourself with people who love and support you and reach for the stars. 

If you do, you may just get there.

In the words of a much clever person than I, below is a beautiful poem which inspires me regularly. Enjoy...

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Work hard at being happy.

Kids, It has been three weeks since I ran my first ultramarathon. Reflecting on that time, it took a while to recover and a few days of eating constantly to get all of my energy back. The initial feeling on finishing the event was an anti-climax, but I can only describe the feeling of finishing my first one as a slow release high. It seemed to take a while to build but hung around for a long time after. It still gives me a buzz now!

Usually, the day after an event I crash pretty hard and start looking for a new event to book, to chase away the post-race blues. This time, I was happy to go with the flow for a while; take a step back and think about future plans.

Running ultramarathons is a big decision for me and a lot of other people. For some natural athletes with time to dedicate, this may sound a bit pretentious. But the truth is with a busy full time job and kids that I love spending time with, dedicating time to training is a big commitment.

But I also need to balance this against the benefits of running.

When I run, I become a better person.

For a whole load of reasons I won’t go into, sometimes I need a bit of help to get happy. Lots of people do and they each have their own way of getting that lift. For some it’s going to the gym or dancing, others smoke or drink. For some it’s buying new shoes or handbags. Well, running makes me happy. I don’t need to do it every day, but I do it when I can and never regret going for a run.

Today I described it as an addiction and it was pointed out to me by a friend that it’s a good addiction to have compared to some unhealthy ones. For me, it boosts confidence, my mood and my health. While it takes me away from home for a while, it’s the fact that I’m running home a better person that keeps me going.

So this week, plans for the future started to form. I’m looking to do three very different and special events in the rest of the year.

1) I’m looking to complete another ultra, a 40 miler this time, in Grimsthorpe. The event which first inspired me to try an ultramarathon when I first read about it.

2) I’ve got my Dad to agree to bike alongside me for a 34 mile run from central London, heading back home along the A5. The idea of running an event with my Dad is really exciting, like something that neither of us will ever forget. He is my original hero and role model and training with him will be great.

3) Run a 50+ miler along the Grand Union Canal towpath from London back home in December. This will be my first “50”. Hopefully with some guys off Twitter who have inspired me for ages, and I’d be proud to run alongside them.

When I look at how hard I had to train, at all the early morning and late night runs I have to ask myself if it was all worth it. I can hand on heart say that it was. I’ve got long term benefits from training and running the event, and I’m excited about planning and competing in the others.

So kids, sometimes you need to work hard to be happy. I assure you it is worth it.

Because being happy lets me be the best person I can be.

*************************

An ode to running.....

No child likes to believe that their parents are at all creative. The sheer thought that their Mum or Dad would express themselves through anything other than written notes or direct (nagging) instructions is too much for most kids to understand.

But here is one of my  little secrets kids, I like to write poetry. It's not something I'm proud of or something I believe I am particularly good at, but its something I enjoy doing. So when I think about running it inspires me and this is the result.

The first step out the door into pre sunrise morn,

Fresh air on my face as I wait for the dawn.

The fog on my breath from the chill in the air.

Turn my head to the stars and I stare a long stare.

Barely a stretch before feeling the beat,

Feeling the rhythm that starts in my feet,

A cursory check that I've got what I need, 

Then best foot forward as I build up the speed.

Feeling legs loosen as the miles start to pass,

The occasional thought that I'm going to fast.

But knowing that as long as I still feel the groove,

And let feet pass each other, I'll continue to move.

Whether I'm running on grass, pavement or snow,

Trails or woodland, wherever I go.

Whether the weather is rain, wind or sun.

I'll always be happy when I go for a run.

The achievement of running a little bit more,

Further or faster than you have done before.

The thrill's in the journey not just in the end.

But that's not the message I'm trying to send

Because the best part of running for me any way,

And the one thing I know at the end of the day.

Is no matter how far I run, walk and roam.

I'm running to you, I'm running to home.

Dad x

Flashback episode

Kids, before I was a runner I was someone totally different. Now that may not make much sense but I guess I was a drifter.


Rather than setting stretching goals and chasing them down, I set attainable goals and waited for them to drift in my general direction so I could reach them without to much effort.


When I started running, the most common question was "Why do you run?"


The second most common was "When will you start to lose weight?"


Well after a while I wrote a piece for an American website about why I run. It tells a very different story to the one I tell now.......

Why run?

I've lost count of the number of people who have asked me this or the number of times I've asked it of myself. The truth is I have no idea.

It all started one day when my brother asked me to go for a run, as he was training for a charity event and wanted some company.

My first thoughts were, in no particular order;

Why the hell is my brother running if he's not being chased?

Why the sudden fascination with running when his car seems to be working?

If he's doing it, could I?

After a few tentative runs of slowly increasing distance I discovered lots of benefits to running. I was losing weight, I was looking better and feeling well. I discovered whole parts of the local area I never knew existed and a whole community of runners across the world, more than willing to share tips and secrets. More over I found a sport which was open to all, wasn't expensive and didn't have  pre-conceived ideas of what a typical runner should be.

All of these benefits were apparent but none of them ever answered the question "Why Running?"

Why not another sport, why not join a gym or take up football?

The question rings loud in my ears with every footfall of a long run and it's met with nothing but the echo of my footsteps in response.

I've struggled with weight and personal image for as long as I can remember. And it's strange because looking at photographs of my past I was never as big as I thought. I guess (or I hope) that everyone has those voices in the back of their mind telling them what they can not achieve, or how useless/stupid/fat/ugly they are. The problem is I'd listened to them so long I could only identify myself by their descriptions and despite the good stuff going on in my life, I still felt like the loser they described.

In running I found a sport which allowed me to test my own self perceptions and my own limitations. I wasn't being compared to team mates or peers, it was just me and the road. And I could push myself as hard as I wanted. Over time a strange thing happened.

I got better.

I began pushing myself to the limit in order to find what I was capable of and the response wasn't a voice telling me that I don't look like a runner, or another telling me I'm too fat to run and chasing me down.

The response was my footfall on the pavement, the rhythmic beat that showed I wasn't slowing. I was moving forward. Literally taking a step and doing something positive.

It was me doing something more than most.

While others sat in and vegetated I was on the road or in the gym and I was running and accomplishing something.

So where am I now?

I'm 20+lbs lighter than I was six months ago and feel ten years younger I'm faster than I've ever been and have taken part in some amazing events and met some great people through running. I have a more positive self image. The voices are still there but now when I run, it's not to get away from them, it's to shut them up and show them what I can do.

And on the long runs, either by street light or in the sun, the beat still goes on. I keep moving one foot in front of the other and I keep running.

Why run?

I've no idea, but the answer is just over the horizon and if I keep running faster I might just catch it.

www.therunningman-ayearinrunning.blogspot.com

 When I started reading it I cringed and then I realised that I don't pity this guy who sounds uncertain about his path, I just wish I could go back, run next to him for a while and tell him, it will all be worth it.

Be greedy with your goals

Kids, being greedy is almost never good. But when it comes to setting goals, you really can’t set enough of them.
I learned this the hard way when I started running and like most things, a lesson you learn in one aspect of your life has equally large implications on other areas.
After I started running I ran my first half marathon in Milton Keynes with your Uncle Joe. Like most things I do with my big brother, I got competitive and trained hard. I ran my heart out that day and finished my first HM in 1:45. I was well proud and certain that I was on for a career as a (veteran) athletic star. But three months later I entered another HM, set myself the single goal of beating that time and despite my best efforts, came in 3 minutes slower.
At no point did I stop to consider the variations in the courses or the weather or my training.
I hadn’t met my goal so in my eyes I had failed.

My second HM was not a success

Be certain of one thing kids, anyone willing to show up on the day and try their hardest is no failure. You only fail when you stop trying.
At that point I felt like I could have jacked the whole thing in, but luckily I got caught up in trail running and my mind-set changed and I let the disappointment fade, to a certain degree.
It wasn’t until 2012 when I was due to do my first Marathon in Milton Keynes that I started to set a number of goals for an event instead of just one. The goals were in no particular order:
1) Finish the marathon
2) Finish strong
3) Set off at 9min/miles and remain at that pace until mile 16, then reassess.
4) Smile across the finish line
5) Finish in under 4 hours
6) Follow a fuelling plan to practise for an upcoming ultra-marathon.


"You only fail when 
you stop trying."


Now setting a number of goals isn’t just to make you feel good for getting more ticks in boxes. It actually makes each event into a more developmental and positive experience.
For the record I met all of the above goals, but if I hadn’t it wouldn’t have mattered. 


If I’d gone off too slow, but still met the other five, it would have been just as beneficial. 


If I’d finished in 4:01:00 I would still have been a marathon runner which is no small feat.


Since I finished the race I've started applying this to other areas of my life. For years my sole focus of work has been promotion. I got distraught when it didn't happen, even when it was beyond my control. But recently I've added other goals around satisfaction and performance, and what do you know, work suddenly isn't about failure.


I guess the lesson in this one is not to limit yourself with goals that won’t help you develop. When you want to do something be greedy with your goals. Set loads of them and record them and aim to achieve as many as you can.
.
But know this. If you turn up on the day and give it your best, you’re already successful.

MK Marathon 2012 medal.